Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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