is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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