I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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