At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
