Fuck appropriateness.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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