I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
