pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
