i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
