i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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