If i come over, it means nothing
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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