So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
