I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
