Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
