It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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