the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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