Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
