You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
