He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
