I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
