I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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