someone threw a dead crab at me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
