the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i love accidental penises.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
