so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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