It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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