It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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