This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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