Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
