Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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