there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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