i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
