Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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