Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
