yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
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