Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm gonna have a badass scar
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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