im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
