cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
