And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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