I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
