I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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