It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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