My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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