yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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