they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
