you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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