it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
