chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
