i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
