Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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