I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
