Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i think i just lost a toe
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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