I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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